Day 10: irrational hater
Back in the peak of my athletic career– grade 8– I ran cross country, played soccer and basketball, and threw shotput (all the fat girls throw shotput in grade school). It was during cross country meets that I learned a little trick I liked to call picking my pony. The strategy was simple: pick a girl at the starting line and beat her to the finish.I always picked this one tall girl with two long blonde braids in her hair and I always lost to her. Badly. Usually she was out of my sight within the first 4oom.
Why did I pick her? Because I didn’t like her. Why didn’t I like her? Because she was everything I wasn’t: blonde (with straight hair, not crazy curls), tall, and pretty. I was totally jealous of her so I totally hated her and wanted to beat her just to prove I was better at something.
…Little has changed since grade school. I mean, I don’t still wear stirrup pants with oversized t-shirts or sing and dance to the Spice Girls (in public) but I still hate people that I’ve never met just because I’m jealous. Case in point: the little gym girl.
The little gym girl is just that, a little (and I mean little, like barely 5 feet and under 100lb) girl (okay, maybe woman) who goes to my gym. I don’t see her often but just when I’m starting to impress myself by doing a bit more weight or one more rep there she is beside me loading up the plates and bringing me crashing back down to earth. She bench presses at least her own weight and deadlifts at least as much as I do, all with perfect form. Damn her. Where in the hell does she put all that strength?? I frequently imagine myself kicking her ass in a campy fight choreographed to music– West Side Story meets Tae Bo (why? I don’t know… my mind wanders when I weightlift)
So I’ve picked my pony once again. Next time I see her I’m going to be her at something. More reps, more weight, something. Irrational jealousy: it’s just one more thing to keep me motivated to reach my bikini birthday goal.
Does anyone else hate people they’ve never met for no rational reason? I hope this isn’t just me, otherwise I’ll feel like a real jackass.
February 5th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
I totally identify! It’s being jealous of what you don’t have and absolutely natural. My mom loves to tell the story of how I “hated” a girl in my kindergarten class because “she smiles too much.
True story.
February 6th, 2010 at 8:54 pm
We’re women — I think it’s in our DNA.
I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you’re definitely tall (at least to 5’1″ me) and definitely pretty.
February 8th, 2010 at 9:48 am
Hey! Found you via Healthy Tipping Point and this post really resonated with me. You are lovely regardless of those feelings and I’m sure you’re going to look great in your bikini! Keep it up!