day 121: how to fit a wonky shape
I’ve decided that this weekend I’m going to put myself through hell go bikini shopping. (I contemplated putting an exclamation mark at the end of that sentence, but frankly I’m not that excited.)
I’m not a shopping. In fact, I detest shopping for clothes and succumb to shopping rage (think road rage for the emotionally insecure) when I can’t find something that makes me look amazing. I contemplated hiring a high school kid to be my personal shopper and sending her out with a wad of cash and a shopping list of one item: Figure-flattering Bikini. I decided against it since I’d fear for her life when she’d inevitably returned with a swimsuit that didn’t make me look like Kim Kardashian.
So I did some research today to arm myself with the knowledge of what bikini will best accentuate my assets thus avoiding an emotional breakdown in a poorly lit dressing room.
Here are the facts:
Chest: 93cm
Waist: 78cm
Hips: 103cm
(that’s ~ 36″ – 30″ – 40″)
So that basically makes me pear-shaped. That’s cool, I like pears. But this doesn’t really account for the fact that at 108cm (~ 42″) my shoulders are huge (we’re talking 1980s Dynasty huge– but without the shoulder pads).
So realistically, I’m more like a poorly designed hourglass.
According to all the articles that I have been sifting through, hourglasses can wear pretty much any kind of bikini they want. I think I`ll need to tweak that a bit. This is what I want my new bikini to do:
- hide my stomach (not likely in a bikini)
- show off my upper back
- give the ladies a perky lift
- cover my whole butt
- make me look like Kim Kardashian
Is that too much to ask?
This is what I need:
- Thick strapped halter up top help make my shoulders look more proportional.
- V neckline to draws the eyes up towards the bust and the face, away from my belly
- Lower cut legs to cover my butt
Good luck to me, and godspeed.
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LOL. Sorry, but this entry is so funny.
Or ask a sales lady to help you. Sometimes they can offer good suggestions. Good luck with your bikini hunt!
wat to go in with a plan, sista! i also think high cut legs in the front are good for making your legs look long and lean. i just went bathing suit shopping yesterday. bought myself a cobalt blue very flattering one-piece. i’m loving it!
“Make me look like Kim Kardashian”…lol. If you find that suit, buy one for me too!!!
Bathing suit shopping sucks for me too…I have an extra-long torso and no boobs to speak of whatsoever. Good times.
Good luck, girl!!!
I hope you survive your shopping trip, I keep my thumbs up for you!!
I don’t like shopping for swimwear or clothes much, so that’s why I usually order online and try them out at home. So easy and no rush or other people
Oh I hate shopping for bikinis and jeans! However, I LOVE to shop
Good luck! I had it easy last weekend. Went in found tri-shorts on sale. They fit, I bought,I was out of there
i am not really sure how some swimsuits make you look good or not good….you are practically naked! i have never understood this!
Gosh, I know the feeling on the shoulders! Seriously, I have the shoulders of dressed football player. Oh and nothing on top. My husband is such a lucky man! Definitely, good luck on the bathing suite…I have had the same black tankini for about 2 years now and since I only wear it when I have to…it looks brand new!
A “wonky” shape haha love it! That bathing suit is super cute- I love purple too. Oh and to answer your question, that puppy was a black lab/rottweiler mix!
I feel your pain, my body has so many unique qualities that it is super hard to find a great bathing suit.
i am a pear too. let us know what you find! i think the name/story behind your blog is awesome. and your dog is SO cute!!
I think your proportions sound beautiful! I hope you find one you love!
Hey if you find a bikini that fits all of those requirements I want one too!!
Oh geez, I need to do the same thing this weekend! Good luck!
Hi, just found your blog. Shopping for bathing suits makes me break out in hives. This year for my winter vacation I ordered a tankini online from Victoria’s secret. It has the Miracle Bra top. Believe me, it is a miracle too. The girls actually look really good. You might want to investigate the Miracle Bra Bikinis. If the girls look good, no one will be looking elsewhere!
Shopping throws me in a tizzy too…I HATE it. Bathing suit shopping is just downright wrong. I usually hit Old Navy, pick up something in my size and hope that it fits. In this case avoidance actually has worked for me!