day 187: master cleanse confessions
I hope you all liked Heather’s Bikini Confidence post. If you have a story to share about your own struggles with body image or your opinion on how women’s body image is affected by media or society please feel free to e-mail me your idea at samanthaamenzies@gmail.com. I’m hoping to keep this guest post series ongoing.
Now, on to the important things. What I ate today:
No, not grapefruit juice, or kombucha. That is lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup — the trifecta that is the Master Cleanse. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I started my 2 day Master Cleanse. It’s part of my 12 day Final Cleanse, so basically I haven’t had solid food in 3 days. Except, maybe I had a bite of some delicious multigrain sandwich bread that I baked on Sunday…
…Oh, and there might have been a teeny taste of some zucchini muffins that I baked last night. But whose counting?
My Master Cleanse drink was made up of:
- 2 T maple syrup
- 1/2 t cayenne pepper (I like it HOT)
- 250 mL lukewarm water
- 1/2 lemon, juiced — once I used a whole lime instead, just to be daring.
I drank about 4 over the course of the day but you’re evidently supposed to drink 6-12. Oops. I’ll have to up that intake tomorrow. I also had some smooth move tea to get my bowels moving; it didn’t hurt that it kept me warm in my frigid office.
By now you’re all wondering about my thoughts on this whole Master Cleanse bullshit business. Well, I don’t know whether my body has yet achieved an “alkaline state”, but if you’re wondering if it works for weight loss and if it really cleanses your system then yes and yes. Here’s how I currently feel about the cleanse on day one.
Confessions of a Master Cleanser:
I actually like the drink. It’s true. I usually have lemon juice and cayenne in the morning before breakfast and I find that alone quite tasty. Add in 2 tbsp of maple syrup and that’s a drink I can really get behind. Honestly, it’s like a treat for the tastebuds: sweet, tart, spicy. What’s not to like? This stuff is delicious!
I need to be near a bathroom all the time. Between the lemonade, the herbal laxative tea, and plain water I’m uber-hydrated. I might have gone to the bathroom nearly every hour while I was at work today. On a trip to Home Depot tonight I realized that it’s important to be near the bathroom for more than just #1. While Matt spent 20 minutes inspecting every light bulb in the store to determine whether they may or may not fit into our new ikea lamps, I had to burst out into a near run to find a toilet before I caused a “clean up in aisle 1″ situation that no one would want to respond to.
I’m embarrassed by my growling stomach. An important technique to develop when on the Master Cleanse is the skill of synchronizing a fake cough with the sound of your imploding stomach. “Was that your stomach just now?” “Ahem, ahem. No, I’m just clearing my throat.”
Being around food makes me cranky. Matt made chili for dinner tonight. I could smell it before I even opened the front door. Let me tell you Matt makes a mean chili. He must have commented at least 4 times about how good it was. I avoided the kitchen like the plague to keep me away from shoving Matt aside so I could have the chili all to myself.
I still have lots of energy. I surprisingly don’t feel tired or weak or lightheaded. I actually ran 4 miles today in decent time (34 minutes) and did a slow flow yoga class. Not too shabby, eh?
Unfortunately, I have one more day of this shit (how people do 10 days is beyond me) but at least I have some tasty lemonade to look forward to… and my birthday too. 7 days to the big 2-5!
July 21st, 2010 at 8:14 am
Woohooo! The countdown to your birthday…I hope there will bikini’s and cake!
July 21st, 2010 at 8:35 am
i know id totally be cheating on that cleanse.. muffins, especially zuchinni muffins, would definitely be tempting me!
cant wait for the big 25!!! <3 <3
July 21st, 2010 at 8:50 am
I’ve always wondered how people did the master cleanse for so long too! I’m encouraged by the fact that you are human and are having enough “fun” with the short version!
I love that your countdown is coming to a close so soon – how exciting!
July 21st, 2010 at 9:47 am
wow, I don’t know if I could do a cleanse like that. I’m interested to hear your final thoughts though!
July 21st, 2010 at 11:47 am
I’m curious about all this, I must read everything about your cleanse!
July 21st, 2010 at 12:16 pm
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July 21st, 2010 at 12:28 pm
Wow, my husband I did the Master Cleanse for 1.5 days. That is all I could handle. For me, the worst part was the salt water cleanse in the morning (are you doing that part?), and yes, the constant need to be in the bathroom was hard.
I’m looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts on this. I don’t think I could ever attempt it again, though!
July 21st, 2010 at 1:10 pm
My best friend did that Master Cleanse and it seemed interesting to me. I know it’s definitely not something I would like to do but thanks for sharing your experience, I have always wondered about it.
July 21st, 2010 at 1:44 pm
yeah make sure you drink all of it. The maple syrup is your calorie intake so it’s impt. if you’re using a good quality maple syrup it should have vitamins and minerals too.
I felt good on my second day too! It was day 4 that I decided 4 was enough.
Hope your movements are impressing you!
No eating!!!
July 21st, 2010 at 2:15 pm
I never tried one but have heard good things about them.
July 21st, 2010 at 5:09 pm
wow good for you….to resist the chili alone is amazing. thank you for your honest feedback samantha. do you think you would do it again?
July 22nd, 2010 at 9:58 am
Thank you so much for your comment on my guest post at fitchicknyc. It was a hard story to write so it means a lot to me!