day 189: beach volleyball
Sometimes I have moments of partial memory loss where I forgot how terrible my coordination is. Moments where I can only remember my fitness level but completely forgot my lack of hand-eye coordination. That’s when I do something stupid like sign up for a sport league or a dance class. I generally steer clear of such activities, except in these moments of weakness, lured by the pretence of it being fun. It never is.
I am coordinated enough to put one foot in front of the other and run, but ask me to do something with my hands simultaneously and you’ll get a blank stare. Even worse is something like soccer where I have to use my legs for 2 things at once (gasp!) while my arms flail wildly in confusion. I once played pick-up soccer with friends and after repeated taunts of “you suck!” during the game, I refused to return. Then there was that one time that I was misguided enough to take a reggaeton dance class, unaware that reggaeton requires you move your shoulders and hips in different directions at the same time. Coordination: It’s all a bit too much for my brain to take.
In a fleeting moment of insanity I signed up for a beach volleyball league with friends. Our first game was on Wednesday. Before the games started I became really nervous as memories of volleyball season in high school gym class came to mind. All I remember was being teased by the good players and watching my P.E. grades plummet.
I suck at volleyball. I’m basically a spectator on the court. If I make any contact with the ball at all, it’s a miracle. I try to go for the ball most of the time, but sometimes I panic when I see it coming my way. I think “You’re going to fuck this up” and move just out of the way. The worst part of playing is the words of encouragement. I know they’re well-meaning, but do I really need to hear “Good try Sam!” as the ball flies over my head in my attempt at an easy volley? It’s like reinforcing the fact that I’m just not good enough. I want to scream: “It wasn’t a good try! It was a terrible try! If I got the ball over the net but failed to get a point, that would be a good try. You and I both know that sucked, so lets just all shut up, okay?” But instead I grind my teeth and try not to have an outburst.
Our team is not very competitive, and none of us are really that good (we lost 5 out of 6 games), but I still seem remarkably bothered by my own poor performance. It’s a metaphor for life, really: me being dejected by things I can’t accomplish. I want to be good at everything, or at least average, and when I’m not– when I watch myself fail– I get upset. Even if I’m failing at something I care little about. It’s tough to be good at volleyball but I think it’s even tougher to accept the fact that I’m not good and just have fun. Because when it comes down to it, it’s really just playing in the sand. And who wouldn’t love to play in a giant 16m x 8m sandbox?
July 23rd, 2010 at 12:24 am
dont be too hard on urself. volleyball doesnt come naturally for most people. try ur best to have fun with it even tho it can be difficult if theres really competitive players. just the fact that u go out there and try shows a lot of ur character, i think thats fantastic!!
xoxo
July 23rd, 2010 at 9:01 am
Well, if it makes you feel any better, I played on a rec volleyball team last year – and was known for spiking the ball – with my elbows/shoulder/chest/FACE.
xo
July 23rd, 2010 at 10:25 am
I completely agree with Kelsey from snackingsquirrel…..I am a volleyball player and while that sport came naturally to me, I can so uncoordinated when it comes to tennis, soccer, football, etc. Volleyball is a repetition sport….the more repetition you get the better you will get. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’ll get in the hang of things!
July 23rd, 2010 at 11:12 am
This so made my smile, and my heart ache for you at the same time!
I grew up with brothers and never ever got to play like they did…they were always off building ramps for their skateboards or playing baseball.
volleyball frightens me. I’ve been slapped upside the face so many times in school PE that I literally cringe when I see a volleyball now. Plus the slaps to my forearms too.
no thanks.
and the whole coordination thing is funny. I can ice skate like a crazy woman, but I trip taking the trash out.
no worries, it’s just fun! (right??)
it’s supposed to be anyways!
enjoy it!
July 23rd, 2010 at 12:01 pm
Volleyball takes serious skills and coordination. I’m terrible terrible at that sport.
July 23rd, 2010 at 12:44 pm
i hate team sports! and volleyball is the worst for sure ;(
July 23rd, 2010 at 1:51 pm
i love stuff like this…even if im not good i have a real competitive edge and enjoy the game–whatever it is. keep you chin up, champ!! im sure you’re good at other things. happy friday
July 23rd, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Don’t be hard on yourself – there are for sure things that you’re good at!:)
I suck at coordination too, I hate going to aerobics or step class where you have to move your legs and arms simultaneously – I’m always on the other side of the room that the others and never seem to get it right. Solution: I never go anymore. Instead I do yoga in which I’m pretty good at – or at least… improving all the time
July 23rd, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Your post sounds like me! I get so frustrated when I am not good at something (a game, a sport) that I end up “hating” it — my husband tells me to “just have fun and enjoy it” but I don’t understand that concept. To me, to have fun I have to be good at it!
I’ll tell you what I tell myself: keep trying and get a little better each time. Progress, not perfection.
July 23rd, 2010 at 4:53 pm
I’d be great to be good, or at least average at everything, wouldn’t it?
I STINK at volleyball…bad! You’re not alone! Good for you for getting out there, though! And if nothing else, it’s friends, sand, and sun!
July 24th, 2010 at 11:18 am
For me I have to really like something to be good at it.
If I’m not that interested , it shows.
July 24th, 2010 at 3:42 pm
If it makes you feel better I am terrible at any sport that involves a ball! TERRIBLE! I hate it too! But I just try to remind myself that being good at everything isn’t a necessity….simply enjoying myself is!
July 25th, 2010 at 8:24 am
Volleyball is so hard. I’m impressed you still played though. I totally struggle with worrying about my suckiness, but in the end all that matters is if you had fun.
July 25th, 2010 at 11:09 am
I get SUPER frustrated by stuff like that too. Sometimes things that seem really silly to others can be really frustrating and intimidating– I’m like that with dancing! I actually get super down on my self because of my lack of dance skills…it sounds silly to me to even type that out, but it’s true!! I wish I were more coordinated.
July 27th, 2010 at 2:17 am
I think the most important thing is you’re out there and you’re trying! I wouldn’t say I suck at badminton but I don’t win very many games yet either so I just try to have fun(and know I’m getting some good cardio in).
I’m the same way on people saying crap like nice try/shot when it’s really not. Drives me nuts on the golf course but unlike you I tell my friends off when they get going too much like that